did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
