yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
