It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
