So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
