So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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