i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize