so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
