I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
