My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
