Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i think i have two assholes
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
