I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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