Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize