i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
