He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
