"it" just moved
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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