He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
