Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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