I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
