with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
