Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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