this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
