Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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