i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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