I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
