Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
