There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize