i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
