she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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