YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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