so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize