Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
