Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
