My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
