What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
