so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You took a bar mat shot.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
