Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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