I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
