There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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