How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I touched a dick in church today
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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