I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
