He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize