i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
