Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
