i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
