come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
