dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Your cock deserves a montage
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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