dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
