I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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