Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
40s are totally the cure
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
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