im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize