Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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