Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize
