Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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