She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
