Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
