It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
