Non-Jews are for practice
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
