Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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