i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
