I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
