I wannas sexs uuuuu
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
