She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
