ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
