She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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