apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
